Tuesday, September 24, 2013

Fall is the season of renewal, but it can also be a season of falling. These last days life is a season of ambivalence. After all, for something to be made new and fresh, it first has to have gotten old and worn. Perhaps our lives suffer the same fashion. Perhaps sometimes we need renewal; perhaps sometimes we need to fall in order to go up. Lately I have been running more; it serves as a barrier against an oceanic emotional current. I see the leaves falling from the trees and I feel melancholic. I miss Hawaii. I know I have never been very good facing changes and this idea helps me to understand my own feelings knowing that suddenly everything will look wonderful again.

I have discovered something, though. When I see her smile any uncertainty or fluctuation (especially when caused by conflicting emotions) I resume feeling happiness. Not a euphoric state of joy but just a quiet happy moment that whispers - "everything is good". To say the truth I find adulthood totally overrated, I have always picture motherhood blissful. Why then do I sometimes feel lost? I have heard comments glorifying how to be a mom feels like.
I truly think nothing is white or black and perhaps this is what gives life to life. Life is so daily. I hope for better feelings, I hope for being able to see the grass again on spring season and realize that these changes give color to my life. I find my family exquisite, that is a fact however I feel like an adult who cannot understand anything yet, but I am instinctively pleased by the resolution in laughter.

If I would ever talk to a new mom-to-be I will reserve my counsel but I sure will let her know all of this is totally worth it indeed.












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4 comments:

  1. Kirsten SmithSeptember 25, 2013 at 6:27 AM

    Well said! I agree, adulthood is overrated and downright no fun sometimes. But if being an adult means being able to be a mom then it is worth it (most days.. haha). Plus, it keeps getting better as they grow! Good luck surviving the winter there (yuck!) if you ever need an excuse to get out of the cold you are always welcome to come down to Houston and visit!

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    1. UnknownSeptember 25, 2013 at 7:17 AM

      THANKS! I probably will. It's a warning!
      I do love being a mom. I probably do not like the housework, isolation, sleep loss, and hormonal changes LOL. For sure she makes my day though.

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  2. Kirsten SmithSeptember 25, 2013 at 8:22 AM

    Agreed! I've heard it said that the negative out number the positives but the positives significantly outweigh the negatives. Give that sweet thing a big hug for me :)

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  3. monica's mutteringsSeptember 25, 2013 at 9:12 AM

    As a mother with some years of experience, I have to say that even at this point, I never really know exactly how to be a mother. I still fall short of my own expectations for myself, but I know that I have done the best I could/can do. You both (Linda and Kirsten) have the children you need and that need you - - - just as you are. Love them and love your husbands, make a loving home for them and life will be good. Remember though that you must always take care of yourself as well (or let your husband do so). You can't give love and support from an empty well (does that make sense).

    Know that I love you both and your little families. You both are doing amazing jobs with all the changes and trials you are facing at this point.

    Linda, watch the mail for a treat that will hopefully brighten your days a little.

    Love, Monica

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